so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
