I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
