I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
