I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
