What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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