i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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