So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
