problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
