Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
