you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i believe in u and ur pee
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize