So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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