i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
