She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
be right there i have to get my cape
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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