She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
