I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what day is it and did you see me today?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize