genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's shark week go big or go home
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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