I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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