I'm so fucking centered right now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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