im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm at about main and main street
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
