so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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