I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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