I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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