apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
