im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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