Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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