please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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