my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
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