There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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