Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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