: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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