giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
