i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
