Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
