Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
