My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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