The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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