I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this boner is exhausting
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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