So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
