Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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