Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
