I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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