New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to cum in my sink.
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