It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
