so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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