Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
