I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
