My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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