go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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