I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
