My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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