At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
