He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
