can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
