I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
