She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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