This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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