see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize