What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
