Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
