These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
