Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
