she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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