When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize