Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
