some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
