She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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