Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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