We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
