Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Say something about gay babies.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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