i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
