Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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