I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
