just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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