oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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