He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
