you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
