Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
