If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize