mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
