Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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