mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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